Saturday, December 19, 2009
I’ve always been fat. When I was nineteen, I starved myself into skinniness (and suffered numerous health problems, but that’s another story). Without fat to obsess over, I wasn’t sure which aspect of my physicality to hate. After much awkwardness, I finally settled on – hold on to your hat – the gap between my front teeth. For the two years that I remained thin (and ill), I limited the numbers of times I smiled and chatted, especially with strangers. After all, -- gasp! -- they might see the hideous secret lurking in the front of my mouth.
Shortly thereafter, in an English Lit class in college, I learned that in Chaucer’s day, folks considered a gap between the front teeth a sign of ravenous, unbridled sexuality. Woohoo! At the time, I was (inevitably) regaining my weight, and it finally occurred to me how incredibly stupid I’d been to focus on hiding or changing myself when I should be changing the narrow, sickly beauty ideals in our media-saturated, mainstream American culture!
I love my gap now. I honestly feel it’s one of my most charming qualities. And besides, I think Chaucer’s contemporaries knew a thing or two about body symbolism. ;)
I’m fat. Not chubby, not stout, not “overweight.” FAT. That’s not the real story, though. See, I’ve learned to feel quite comfy in my body. I’m not entirely thrilled with every aspect of my physicality every second of every day or anything, but for the most part, I like what I see in the mirror and what I feel when I walk, talk, move, and rest.
Sometimes, though, the weirdest insecurities will intrude on my normally-content and -confident sense of being. One of these crazy, random feelings? Self-consciousness about my back fat. Maybe it’s because it’s not easily viewable for me and therefore seemingly out of my control. Who knows? The self-conscious feeling waxes and wanes, though, which is why I decided to take some pictures of my back fat and celebrate it for all its soft, gooey roundness and unapologetic lushness.
I don’t always love my back and its cushy layer of fat, but I’m on a journey to reclaim the beauty of these soft layers of skin that I can feel but not see, clothe but not hide. These back rolls have a lot to teach me. :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
So I realized that if I want this blog to change lives...I need to suck it up and participate. Not that i was afraid of having a picture up of myself, i just realized I never take full body pictures, and lately i have really been loving my body and myself as a whole. Of course i have my off days, but i could remember the times where i hated everything about my body. i would come home and cry my eyes out because i didn't look good in the clothes my friends wore, or even worse because their clothes never fit me.
I hated everything about myself everything from my skin to the size of my feet. i had supportive parents but also parents that continuously reminded me that i needed to lose weight, they told me "you have a beautiful face, but you could afford to lose a couple pounds" awesome, as if i didn't realize this, i now had to openly hear it.
Whenever i had problems with girls the first thing they criticized was my weight, and it used to kill me. i tried to lose weight and sometimes went to extreme measures, i quit eating and sometimes would hurt myself out of punishment for being fat.
Openly admitting this is extremely tough, because i have always tried to have that "i dont give a shit" attitude but for the first time in my life, i finally mean it.
i take pride in my appearance, and my curves (and rolls).
i enjoy clothes and fashion and although it can be tough, i enjoy dressing my body.
i don't consume my life with diets and workout regimes. i work out when i feel like it, and i eat what i want when i want.
my insecurities do get the best of me sometimes, but i get up and work with my emotions.
this is my body, and it isn't going anywhere.
Friday, November 13, 2009
i am loving each and every one of you
i am also debating on adding other stuff such as...
articles i think are amazing, or awesome clothes or anything having to do with body acceptance
or if i should let you do the talking...
what do you think?
i do need more pictures from all you gorgeous people out there though!
i am also working on putting a pic of myself up
i have just been so busy and unfortunately not feeling too cute lately
but all of you inspire me!
start sending in those pictures!
and i will talk to you soon =]
Thursday, November 5, 2009
And that would be chapstick that makes my upper lip shine so.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I've hated my body for most of my life, until I discovered a variety of Fat Acceptance blogs. Before, I was self conscious all the time and I didn't know how to love myself. But now I can proudly say that I love myself the way I am. I am a beautiful human being, both inside and out. Now that I am truly comfortable with who I am, I can face the world with confidence, and turn my (rather sexy) back on those who try to bring me down for having natural curves.
Recently I have begun to like my birthmark and i think it makes me unique. I no longer worry of trying to cover with makeup. Now i barley notice I even have it.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Until I started to like not looking like everyone else.
Now, I like how it curves so arrogantly. The way my bottom sticks out is unashamedly sexy. It's intimidating. It's indecent. My arse breaks hearts!
I love my bottom and will never again want it to look like everyone else's. I love every glorious jiggling centimetre of it.
Corpulent - http://corpulent.wordpress.com